Living in faith without fearMoon outside Atiwhakatu Hut

Based on Luke 23:33-43

 

When I was 12, my parents and I went to see my brother performing. He was the rhythm guitarist in a Christian rock band called ‘Cross Section.’ (Yes, this was in the 1970s.) I think they only played one song, because there were a whole lot of other acts on; we were at the monthly rally of a prominent evangelical youth movement.

 

Then there was a speaker, who told us we were all separated from God because we were sinners, and we would be spending eternity in hell unless we accepted Jesus into our hearts as our personal saviour.

 

I was stunned. I had considered myself a follower of Jesus all my life. But I went to a very moderate Presbyterian church, and I had never been given the hellfire and brimstone treatment before. I was terrified by what I was hearing. And when the speaker invited us to come forward if we wanted to invite Jesus into our lives, I was the first to stand up.

 

Looking back, I would have been an easy target. I already knew about Jesus, so the hard work had already been done. I was just in a mainstream Protestant community, not a fundamentalist evangelical one. And this was not a particularly happy time of my life. I was a bit different from everyone else my age and I didn’t fit in at school, I didn’t have a huge number of friends, I was very sensitive, very stressed, easily upset, and my parents didn’t know what was wrong with me. The only people who really seemed to understand me were my grandfather and an older friend. I was very vulnerable at this time.

 

I followed the man’s call, went forward, had a conversation with someone who was called a counsellor, and doomed little me prayed the prayer that I was told to pray. Then I was told I was saved.

 

Now some of you here may have had conversion experiences like this that changed your lives. If so, I am not trying to negate or belittle your journeys. I am only telling you what happened to me.

 

I somewhat naively expected my awkward life was suddenly going to get better, but that was not what happened at all. My fear and anxiety actually got worse. I became very concerned, because I thought everyone I knew who had not made the same commitment I had made was destined for eternal damnation. I can remember being at an appointment with my dentist, who I really liked, and feeling very sad because I thought he was probably going to hell. I also tried to convert people at school. Not surprisingly, my popularity there hit a new low.

 

The fact that I was not feeling any better - but in fact much worse - since I had made the detour from mainstream Protestant to fundamentalist evangelical Christianity made me wonder whether I had somehow got the formula wrong when I prayed that prayer, so I prayed it again and again, waiting for the miracle cure.

 

At one stage, I even rashly promised God that I would read seven chapters of the Bible every night. Needless to say, that was rather a tall order, but I managed to get about as far as the Second Book of Kings. But I was terrified of breaking my regime, because I had made a promise to God, and I dreaded the consequences of breaking a promise. To my great relief, I discovered some of the Psalms were very short, and for many months, I read Psalm 120 through to Psalm 126 every night, until I finally managed to let go of that particular millstone around my neck I had made for myself.

 

Looking back, I was clearly very troubled. But I have not yet told you the craziest thing I did. I had been convinced that I was saved through my faith, because I believed in Jesus and that he had died for my sins. Then, one day, I discovered the text from the Gospel according to St Matthew, in which Jesus tells his followers that if they have faith the size of a mustard seed, they could command mountains to move.1 I contemplated the implications of this text for quite some time afterwards. But it did not occur to me that Jesus might have been using a rhetorical device to chide people for their disbelief. I took him completely literally.

 

In the meantime, I had learned best way to gain kudos and popularity in the youth movement I had become immersed in was to bring people to Christ. The more the better. Evangelism had become a sales contest. I didn’t seem to be any more popular or accepted in this youth movement than I was at school. But if I could save a few souls, people might like me a bit more. However, my attempts at evangelising at school had been woeful. I had failed to make a single convert.

 

Drastic action was called for. I needed to pull off something really spectacular, to show everyone that Jesus was real and we all needed him.

 

Then I thought of something that would surely do the trick. I commanded Mt Taranaki to get up and throw himself into the sea. And I fully expected him to do this. But nothing happened.

 

I was crestfallen. Clearly, I was lacking in faith. That meant I wasn’t a true believer, I wasn’t a proper Christian, and I would go to hell when I died. Either that or I would get left behind during the rapture – which I had been told was imminent – and I would be forced to receive the mark of the beast.

 

Looking back, I am amazed that I remained in what I now know was a world of toxic fundamentalism for as long as I did. It wasn’t until I was well into my teenage years that I had a last-straw moment. I was at another one of the monthly night rallies I mentioned earlier. And the speaker – they always had a speaker – was saying that we must not listen to Village People, because they were ‘filthy perverts’ (or words to that effect). He was almost seething with rage as he spat his words out. And that was when I decided that if this was Christianity, I didn't want to be part of it anymore. It would take me twenty years to find my way back to the Church. But that’s another story

 

The reading from the Gospel according to St Luke we heard this morning tells us about the two criminals who are crucified on either side of Jesus. They are mentioned in all four gospels, but this is the only place where there is any dialogue between them. One of them derides Jesus for not saving himself, but the other is penitent, Today, they are often referred to as the ‘bad thief’ and the ‘good thief’ respectively. The good thief asks Jesus to remember him when he comes into his kingdom and Jesus welcomes him in advance. Interestingly, Jesus does not use the word heaven but Paradise (paradeisos in the original Greek), which means a place of blessedness

 

Their names are not given, but some apocryphal texts like the Gospel of Nicodemus name the bad thief as Gestas and the good thief as Dismas respectively, and other names are used in other traditions. And there are various apocryphal stories about them, including Gestas being one of a band of robbers who attacked the Holy Family while they were fleeing to Egypt, and Dismas rescuing them.

 

Dismas became known as St Dismas when he venerated and his life is commemorated on the 25th of March, which is also the Feast of the Annunciation, because of a Church tradition that Jesus and he were crucified and died on the anniversary of the Archangel Gabriel’s visit to Mary. St Dismas is the patron saint of prisoners – especially those under sentence of death – and funeral directors. If you know of my work with prisoners, especially those on death row, it should come as no surprise to you that St Dismas is my favourite saint.

 

In today’s reading, St Dismas captures our attention because of his faith and courage when death is imminent. But what exactly is faith? Dictionary definitions include, “Complete trust or confidence in someone or something,” and “Strong belief in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof.”2 But these really don’t go far enough.

 

The Greek word that is translated as ‘faith’ is pistis. While it means faith, faithfulness, belief, or trust, it implies that actions based on that trust will follow. And the two cannot be separated. As the Letter of St James so wonderfully puts it:

 

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but do not have works? Can faith save you? 15If a brother or sister is naked and lacks daily food, 16and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill’, and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that? 17So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.4

 

Our faith must be put into practice if we want to be who we claim to be. A few years ago, Pope Francis said, “You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. That is how prayer works.”4 We can also pray for the thirsty. But give them water. Pray for the stranger. But welcome them. Pray for the sick. But help take care of them and ensure they have access to proper health care. Pray for the homeless and those who lack clothing . And help them find shelter. And we can pray for those in prison. And visit them.

 

Faith also allows to ask questions, and even doubts. Otherwise, it is not faith at all, but blind acceptance. Remember Jesus had self-doubt when he was in anguish at Gethsemane. He threw himself on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him.5

 

In more recent years, St Teresa of Calcutta, formerly known as Mother Teresa, was criticised when it was revealed she had expressed doubts. But I do not believe there is a person of faith who has never experienced uncertainty. In fact, I do not consider it is possible to fully engage with one’s faith without having at least one crisis in one’s life.

 

St Dismas is dying on a cross when we encounter him today. He is not in a position to go and do the works that come with living in faith. But, considering the position he is literally in, I think we can excuse him.

 

Having faith involves accepting we do not yet have all the answers. We will still have doubts and questions, and we would not be human if we did not. But when we accept these instead trying to suppress them, we can live in faith without fear.

 

 

Darryl Ward
20 November 2022

 

1 Matthew 17:20

2 https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/faith 

3 James 2:14-17

4 http://www.inspiringquotes.us/author/3767-pope-francis  

5 Matthew 26:37-42; Mark 14:34-29; Luke 22:41-42

 

All Bible references are from the New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) unless stated otherwise.